A friend sent these, which are supposed to be actual instructions on these products. Enjoy. On a Sears hairdryer “Do not use while sleeping.” (And that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.” (The shoplifter’s special?) On […]
Goofs and Gaffes
Here are some of Life’s Mysteries, discovered at Bobby Matherne’s Tidbit of Humor: Puzzles and Unsolved Mysteries of Life website at www.doyletics.com/tidbits/puzzles.htm. Enjoy. Can fat people go skinny-dipping? Why is the word “abbreviation” so long? Is it possible to be totally partial? What’s another word for thesaurus? If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it […]
Washington Post’s New Definitions for Words
The Washington Post recently published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. My favorites are: Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever […]
Great Headlines
I’m not sure where I originally found these, but I hope you enjoy these headlines: Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?] Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [Now that’s taking things a bit far!] Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [Not if I wipe thoroughly!] Panda Mating Fails; […]
Disorder in the Court
These are from “Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History” by Charles M. Sevilla (ISBN #: 0393319288). Evidently, people actually said these things in court, word for word. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the […]
2013 List of “Banished Words”
Since 1976, Lake Superior State University has issued an annual list of banished words (or words the organizers would like to see banish). The 2013 “winners” are not surprising. Here they are: Fiscal cliff Kick the can down the road Double down Job creators/creation Passion/passionate Yolo Spoiler alert Bucket list Trending Superfood Boneless wings Guru […]
