A friend sent these, which are supposed to be actual instructions on these products. Enjoy.
On a Sears hairdryer
“Do not use while sleeping.”
(And that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos
“You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”
(The shoplifter’s special?)
On a bar of Dial soap
“Directions: Use like regular soap.”
(That certainly clarifies it.)
On some Swanson frozen dinners
“Serving suggestion: Defrost.”
(But it’s only a suggestion.)
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom)
“Do not turn upside down.”
(A little late, don’t you think?)
On a pudding mix
“Product will be hot after heating.”
(…and you thought?)
On the packaging for an iron
“Do not iron clothes on body.”
(But wouldn’t that save me time?)
On Nytol Sleep Aid
“Warning: May cause drowsiness.”
(And I’m taking this because…?)
On most brands of Christmas lights
“For indoor or outdoor use only.”
(As opposed to…?)
On a Japanese food processor
“Not to be used for the other use.”
(Somebody please help me on this.)
On a container of peanuts
“Warning: contains nuts.”
(Talk about a news flash.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts
“Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”
(Step 3, fly JetBlue.)
On a child’s Superman costume
“Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
