These are from “Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History” by Charles M. Sevilla (ISBN #: 0393319288). Evidently, people actually said these things in court, word for word.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Q. So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Susan Monroe says
Many thanks for this, Kay. I’ve seen it before but got the same hearty chuckle out of it as before.
I’m about to post a link to some funny “dumb user” stories from Tech Republic. They’re real head-shakers!